The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
