I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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