the condom got lost in my hair
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize