youre lurking in front of me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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