were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
