u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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