Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
