Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize