I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
