I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
