Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
