She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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