dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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