Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
