yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
