I'm gonna have a badass scar
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
