you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
