They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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