Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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