You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
