after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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