He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
