Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
party gras won. party gras always wins.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
