he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
