dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
