Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
