Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
