IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Someone signed my nipple.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
