is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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