Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
