My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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