i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
