so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
