I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
