If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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