Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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