he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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