just come out here and I will go home with you...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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