So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
