I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
