worst night to have a conscience
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
