Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
