I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
