I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I could fuck to npr.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
