Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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