I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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