Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
