Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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