By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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