bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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