He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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