worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
