I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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