I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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