Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
