My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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