There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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