It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
