Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
