there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
