I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My vagina just clenched in fear
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
