My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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