So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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