my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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