Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
